Claire Bailey

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 02:52:56 GMT

I think we're coming to Paris for a visit. See Jon. See Duncan and Amanda. Amanda, I think I've gotten the hang of that knife trick. I've got a book signing too.

I love Connor, but god, sometimes he's so distant. I know he's so much older than I am. So much more mature in someways, but sometimes he can be a sulking child. He misses Jon. I think he forgets that part of raising kids is letting them go. It's an important part.
I know Jon'll always come back to us. We're his parents.

At the end of the gap (Private)

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 17:03:28 GMT

I go out in the morning and watch the sun rise over the heather. I wonder if Heather ever stood her like this, his arms around her, sipping coffee and wondering what the day will bring. I know he loved her and through him...I've come to love her in some ways. I can't help feeling bad. Horribly bad. Because she had him for only fifty years and I'll have him forever.

That's the thought that got me to pick up my sword and actually use it. I mean. Everything else was words. Words from Connor, words from Adam, words from Amanda. But the idea of not having as much time as possible with Connor and John...yeah. I need them. I need to have them in my life. My sister was right. You can't wait for perfect happiness you have to pick it up and drag it down and wrestle it to the ground. Because being with Connor, having him in my life is my perfect happiness. No one can take that from me, especially not a dead immortal who so nearly destroyed me.

And now Jon's grown up, at college and...I know I wasn't around to see him as an infant, a toddler. But I raised him into a young man and he's my beautiful baby boy. Someday- not now but someday- I'll want to raise another child with Connor. Another baby. His and mine. But for now we have the beautiful, but never quite the same Scottish mornings with his arms around me and the taste of coffee in his mouth when I kiss him. I can't imagine a better happiness than this.

Locked to Connor

Wed, 14 Jul 2004 16:06:14 GMT

Leaving tonight. I'll be back in a week.
I'm taking my sword.
~~Love you~~

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 18:01:28 GMT

I'm thinking of going to see my sister and her family for a week. Everything's been so...messy for so long I need a break.
Yes, I'm bringing my sword. Yes, I can run very fast.

Connor, bring Jon to get a dog.

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 05:17:21 GMT

Oh damn. God, you must be kidding me.

Claire walked silently into the living room and handed Connor a cup of coffee, sitting down next to him and wrapping her hands tightly around her cup of coffee. She didn't look at the tv. "Any news?"

Connor started slightly as she came in reaching for the remote to turn off the tv. "Adam got a trace on the van." He didn't want her to see the face of the man that had taken their son.

"That's good." She said listless, glancing at the television. Her fingers suddenly nerveless she dropped her coffee, scalding her hands. "Oh my god, Connor. These aren't Matt's tapes?"

The tv went to black, and Connor droped the remote reaching for Claire. "Yes the are, we...Adam and I didn't want you to see them. I'm sorry."

She pulled away, "Turn it back on. Have Duncan or Richie seen these?"

"No just me and Adam. Claire...there are something, I dont think you want to know about Adam. Just leave it be."

"I don't care about fucking Adam." Claire snapped. "I know that man." She grabbed for the remote.

Connor swallowed. "Fine, watch it."

Claire snapped in on, clenching her hands as she nodded. "I know him. It's the man who killed me, Connor. He has our son."

"It him and its not him. Adam think's Kronos has taken over his body." Connor wraped his arms around him. "Claire, this man doesn't want to hurt Jon, he wants to mold Jon in his image."

"You've got to be kidding me." Claire whimpered, looking ill and leaning into Connor.

Connor shook his head. "I wish I was. Claire, Kronos...is from a time in Adam's life when he wasn't a very nice person." He said softly.

"And you didn't think I should know this?" She said coldly despite continuing to lean against him.

"It's really not my place to tell you Claire. Adam I think is afarid of lossing you, if you find out what he was." Connor whispered.

"I don't belong to Adam."

"Your friendship Claire." Connor sighed.

"I'm pretty sure I've seen the bastard at his worse."

Connnor kissed her forhead. "We'll get our son back."

"I know." Claire said firmly.

"Promise me you'll keep me from doing anything stupid?" Connor asked.

"I promise. I won't lose you." she kissed him softly. "I want forever with you."

"I'll give it to you if I can bonny. You're all thats been keeping me sane this last few days." Connor rested his forhead against hers.

"I love you." Claire whispered. "I love our family."

"I love you too Claire. You and Jon are my life."

"I know."

Thu, 20 May 2004 07:06:39 GMT

This...just can't deal with this.

Connor stormed into the practice room slamming his fist against the rough break wall.

"Really fucking mature, Connor." Claire glared, coming in right behind him and climbing onto a balance bar.

"Don't even go there, girl." Connor hissed, turning to look at her. His hand had already healed but it was still bloody.

"All you did was hurt the wall." Claire hissed back.

"I'm so glad your concerned for my well being." Connor said dryly.

"Damn it, Connor." Claire sighed. "I can't keep doing this. This run around is driving me insane."

"I've bent over backwards for you Claire. I've changed habits that have been hundreds of years in the making." He ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know what you want for me. I don't even know why the hell your still here considering what you think of me!"

"You haven't changed! You're trying to change me, Connor! Into someone I don't want to be. I can't be a killer. I can't be a monster."

Connor rested his hand against the wall, his back to her. "I see. Tell me Claire, have you enjoyed sleeping with a monster? You've read my chronicles, you know how many I've killed. Why did you come to my bed? Did you want to see what it would be like to fuck a killer?"

Claire threw a weight at him. "You son of a bitch. How dare you."

Connor swore in Gaelic as it hit him. "Fuck Claire that hurt." He looked at her furiously. "How dare I? Immortals are monsters to you Claire. That means I'm a monster, Adam's a monster, and even Jon's a monster. You knew what I was from the start. So I want to know why did you sleep with me?"

"Jon's not immortal yet." she yelled. "What do you want to hear Connor? What it was for the thrill of it? For the wrongness?"

"If that’s the truth then yes!" He slid down the wall to sit on the floor. "I love you Claire. More than I ever thought I could love any woman again. But I can't take this. You treat me like I'm not a fit father, let alone a lover to you."

"You're trying to be a father to me and not a lover, Connor. You never tell me anything, you don't let me have any say in the raising of a child who calls me mom but you expect me to know what's going on and take care of things. And you don't love me." she finished almost silently.

"I do tell you plenty Claire...you just never listen." Connor's voice was ragged. "I try to let you have a say with Jon...and all you say is how wrong I am. You refuse to see all of what Jon is. Or what I am. But if you think I don't love you...I don't know what to do to make you think otherwise."

"You want to be in love with me, you love the idea. You want a mother for Jon. But a good obedient woman like you knew when you were young."

"You have know idea what I knew when I was young." Connor told her. "Believe what you think, I do love you. That's the only reason I try to make you do something you hate. Because I do love you. "

"You love me so much you want to destroy who I am? Yeah, Connor that makes sense>"

"That what you think I'm doing?" Connor sounded tired. "Fine Claire, if that’s what you want to think. Your unhappy with me and I won't hold you prisoner...you owe me nothing."

"Why do you do this?" She screamed suddenly. "Why can't you just get angry and yell at me?"

"Yelling doesn't do much does it?" Connor said, resting his head against the brick wall. "Just remember holy ground Claire. And if you ever need protection please don't hesitate to call me or Duncan."

"I'm not your responsibility, Connor!"

"Claire, I'd give my head for you. It has nothing to do with responsibility."

"Connor.. Never say anything like that."

Connor got to his feet. "I'll sleep on the couch tonight. If you want I'll help you move back into the guest room, or I can move in there."

"No." Claire shook her head wildly. "I can't stay here."

Connor shoulders slumped more. "Just until you find a apartment." He whispered. "I assume you'll want to be taking Jon with you." He sounded broken. "Or you can just have this place, I'll find someplace..."

"Stop it, Connor!" She screamed. "Christ, I can't stand this. Don't be like this, Connor."

He looked up at her. "You don't wish to be with me bonny, I can't make you stay. Why would you leave Jon with me anyways? I'm a monster and a unfit father."

"Son of a bitch." She sobbed, hitting him. "You know I love you you know I'll never be able to leave why do you have to make it worse?"

He took the strike, without a flinch. "What do you want from me Claire? Please tell me..." Connor's hand came up to touch her face. "I want you happy. But you don't trust me."

"I don't trust anyone. I don't trust me." she sobbed, moving to clutch herself to him, crying into his shirt.

"Oh bonny." He wrapped his arms around her holding her close. "No more sword practice...I promise, not from me."

"I can't do it." she cried. "I'm so sorry Connor."

"It's not your fault bonny. It isn't." He stroked her hair, rocking her slightly. "Please don't cry love. Please."

"I can't stop." she sobbed, clutching his shirt like salvation.

"Shh.." Connor held her close to his chest, before picking her up. "Let's put you to be Claire. What room?" he asked softly.

"Ours." she hiccupped, holding his neck tightly.

He nodded carrying her out of the practice room and up the stairs. Connor kissed her forehead as they reached their room. He sat her down on the bed kneeling before her. "What would you wish of me bonny?"

"Stay with me." She sniffed. "Christ, I can't even think. I'm so messed up, Connor."

"We both are Claire, so we make a fine pair." He stood and sat next to her. Pulling her gently into his arm, he kissed her. "Lets get some sleep, we'll talk in the morning when we're both saner."

"No yelling." she whispered, burrowing close to him. "I can't do that."

"No more yelling." He promised lying then back onto the bed. He pulled the blankets over them, then held her close. "Never doubt I love you Claire."

Filtered From Jon

Thu, 20 May 2004 04:47:16 GMT

I hate my fucking sword. I hate having to fight, I hate the practice room, and I hate being immortal.

I almost wish I had just died. Then I wouldn't be working my damnest to try to learn to kill someone else; which is what this boils down to. I can't do it. I know Connor thinks I can and Adam says I can and Jon needs me to but I'm not this strong.

Sat, 15 May 2004 01:57:59 GMT

No more quarreling at the MacLeod's.

Claire flipped over the pancakes, enjoying the fairly mindless task. A large pile was at her elbow, a platter of sausage and eggs on the other side. Concentrate on this, not on food. On this, not on food.
"Claire bonny, I think we have enough pancakes." Connor said softly touching her shoulder.
Claire leaned back against him. "It's easier than thinking. How's Jon?"
"He won't talk to me." Connor sighed.
"Should I call him in for dinner then? It's breakfast for dinner- he'll like that, right?"
"He knows he's pre-immortal Claire." Connor said softly.
"How?" Claire shivered. "Did you tell him?"
"Fuck." Connor moved back from her. "Yea sure Claire I told him. Thats why Adam had to tell me he knew."
"Fuck you too, Connor. You're the one who wants to tell him everything."
Connor head his head again the wall in frustation. "Daminit Claire. Aparently Marcus said something that tiped him off, and for the last time he already knew that pyscho was out there before I talked to him. He knows we've been fighting Claire. Hell he even knows he's being sent to scotland."
Claire stiffened. "I beg your fucking pardon? He's going where?"
"Scotland. I'm sending him to stay with his sister, untill this pyscho is gone. I won't risk him sneaking out again."
"Thank you so much for telling me." Claire hissed, throwing the frying pan into the sink and stalking out of the kitchen.
Jon was standing on the stairs, tears runing down his face.
"Oh, Jonny." Claire breathed, all the anger draining away. "Don't cry, sweetheart please.."
"My names not Jonny!" He yelled. The boy turned on his his heel racing up the stairs and slaming the door shut.
Connor came out of the kitchen. "Chirst."
"Look what you did!" Claire frowned, running up the stairs and knocking on Jon's door. "Jon, come on. Talk to me."
Connor slumped down the wall, head in his hands.
"Go away Claire!" Jon cried through the door. "You guys don't want me here anyways!"
"What are you talking about?" Claire sighed, leaning against the door. "We love you."
"I make you fight! Your always yelling at dad now. J-just becuase he tells me things." Jon opened the door, sniffing.
"It's not your fault we fight, Jon. Grownups fight. We're disagreeing, but that's not your fault. Not at all. I promise you."
Jon crossed his arms. "You don't want me to know anything. I-I'm not a baby."
She knelt down on the carpet"I know you're not a baby. I just don't want you to worry, Jon."
"I worry more when people don't tell me." He rubed his eyes. "
She extended her arms tenatively. "I'm sorry. I just didn't want to make you grow up quite yet."
Jon hestated then huged her tightly. "I-I don't want you to hate me like Alex did..but I'm not a baby mom. I know about immortals and stuff. "
"I'll never hate you." Claire sighed, rubbing his back and keeping silent about Alex. "I know. It just scares me, Jon so I figured it scared you too."
"It does sometimes. But don't be mad at Dad. Even Adam thinks me being in scotland is a good idea...I...I just don't wanna go."
"You don't have to go." Claire promised thoughtlessly. "
"Your not going to yell at dad anymore?" Jon asked again.
"No promises. Grownups fight, Jon. Especially when they're in relantionships."
"He loves you. I...I think you hurt his feelings." Jon whispered.
"He's a big boy."
"I'm gonna wash my face." Jon whispered, moving from her arms.
Downstairs Connor was still siting against the wall.
Claire walked slowly down the stairs, feeling a million years old. "Connor?"
"If you want to leave me Claire...I won't stop you." Connor said not looking up. "Duncan can recomened a good teacher for you. If...if you think Jon would be better off with you..I won't stop you either."
She slapped him lightly on the head. "I love you, Connor. I get angry at you and we'll fight but that doesn't mean I don't love you."
He looked up at her looking defeated. "I can't seem to make you happy Claire."
"I don't make you happy either." she said softly. "I'm sorry, Connor."
"Oh bonny," Connor stood up taking her into his arms. "You do make me happy. Very happy."
"No, I don't." she sighed, curling up against him. "We fight all the time."
He stroked her hair. "I'm not used to sharing Jon...or talking things over with anyone. It's almost alway been me and him. I'm sorry love, I'll try harder I will. I want to make you happy."
"It's just...if you don't want me to be involved I won't be. But if you do I will."
"I just ask you to trust me on something with Jon. He's not like other children...not even like other pre-immortal children." Connor asked softly.
"How so?"
"He
"He's dreamed things he should not be able to know...he's started talking to Methos in dead tounges Claire." Connor took a deep breath. "He dreamed your death Claire...the riutal...all of it."
Claire looked sick. "Are you serious?"
"The day before it happened, love. He already knew Romlus was out there before I told him....me telling him made him feel better." Connor stroked her hair.
"I...don't know what to say." Claire sighed
"I didn't want you to worry more than you do Claire but...maybe I should have told you earlier." Connor finally said. "Forgive me?"
She tucked her head under his chin, leaning against his chest. "I forgive you just...if we have a relantionship Connor, it's a partnership. You know that, right?"
Connor nodded. "It's been...along time since I've been with someone I could be in a ture partnership with."
"Do you think you can with me?"
"I'll try Claire. I will. I want us to work, I don't want to losse you."
"I don't want to be lost." she kissed his chin. "Immortal relantionships....they don't usually work out though do they?"
"No they don't. There are rare cases like Gina and Robert...but it takes alot of work. There's a good reason Amanda and Duncan have never really settled down." Connor admited.
She sighed again. "I....well, we'll try."
"I want us to be the expection Claire. I do." He stroked through her hair. "We didn't have the best start in the world...but if we can get through this..."
"I'll be obstinate. You deal with the nightmares I'll deal with you being a jackass." she teased.
"Yes ma'ma. MacLeod's excded at being jackasses at times. Ask anyone." He kissed her forhead. "Strangley enough that reminds me, we have an open invite from Gina and Robert for dinner."
"Being a jackass reminded you of that?" Claire laughed. "Should I be worried?"
"Well I'm quite sure Gina and Robert could reglae you and jon of all the times me and Dunan have been jackasses. Robert and Duncan we're actaully compenting for Gina at one point." Connor told her.
"A MacLeod lost a woman? Amazing."
"Hey!" Connor grined at her good nautratdly and stole a kiss.
"You guys made up?" Jon asked from the stairs.
"Yeah, come down sport!" Claire called
Jon came down the stairs, looking a bit happier.
"You okay Jon?" Connor asked ruffling his hair. Jon nodded. "You guys done fighitng for tonight?"
"Yeah." Claire smiled, opening her arms for Jon. "I love you both."
"I love you too, mom." Jon said huging her. "And you too dad."
"Well thank." Connor rolled his eyes wraping his arms around them both.

Thu, 06 May 2004 04:12:27 GMT

Filtered from Jon
Fought with Connor. Fuck. I know I'm right. I am. But damn it, I hate fighting with him. Writing about it I'm getting all angry again. What fucking right has he got...fuck it.

Claire stripped off her shirt, tossing it toward the dirty laundry basket groaning softly as she stretched. "I can practically feel muscles growing. Damn it." She grabbed fresh clothes to bring into the bathroom with her. "Jon playing video games?"
Connor checked from the desk, doing the books for the shop. Glasses perched on his nose. "You'll get used to it. And aye he's playing computer games. He's been so on edge lately a few extra hours of fun won't hurt the lad."
"He wouldn't be on edge if you hadn't told him about what's happening." Claire said tightly.
"He's a smart boy. It would have been worse if he'd figured it out from overhear us or from Adam. Christ it was bad enough he had to find out about immortality from Adam..." Connor pointed out.
"He's a little boy. We're adults and we can be responsible and quiet so he doesn't overhear." Claire growled, grabbing her robe and going into the bathroom, continueing to talk. "He doesn't need this, Connor. Not now."
"He's 11 years old Claire. He's far from being a little boy." Connor took off his glasses rubing the bridge of his nose. "Christ woman. The madman talked to him in his own journal what was I supposed to do.
"
"Lie!" Claire yelled from the bathroom. "You lie to him because it's better than the truth."
"I've never lied to the boy and I'm not starting now!" He pulled open the bathroom door. "Lying to children doesn't help them at all. He needs to know to be careful."
"He's always careful. He needs to know not to be afraid." Claire glared at him.
"Careful? Like runing up to strange woman and huging them?" Connor asked her bitterly. "He's my son Claire I'll do what I think is best." he growled.
Claire stiffened and nodded. "Fine then." She grabbed her clothes and quickly dressed, still sweaty from practicing. "Your son, not mine."
He grabed her wrist. "You will not walk away from me when we're talking Claire." He told her.
Claire snatched her hand away hissing. "You won't touch me without my permission."
"Damit Claire. Listen to me. Last time I hid something from him a madman got ahold of him. He's 11, he's old enough to be told the edited version of whats going on."
"He's protected by a small fucking army of immortals. Nothing is going to touch Jon and you know it." She sighed and swored, running her hands through her hair. "He's had little enough time for being a boy."
Connor turned away. "I see, so I've been raising him wrong have I?"
Claire turned and hit the wall. "No, you stupid bastard I'm telling you that Jon's special. He knows things he couldn't know - shouldn't know and damn it. He's going to be one of yo- us one day. He doesn't need the stress of it now. He's a great kid Connor. But he's a kid and sometimes I think you fucking forget that."
"Damit Claire, he knew before I even told him okay?" Connor said anughished. "I love him...don't ever presmuse to say I'm not trying to do whats best for him." Connor left the bathroom.
Claire stalked out after him. "What's this? You get to leave but I don't? I know you want the best for him but what you're trying to do and what's actually happening isn't the same thing, Connor!"
Connor had sat down on the end of the bed his head in his hands. "You'd have be lie to the lad would you?"
"Or just don't tell him everything. There's no harm in ommiting things."
"What makes you think I didn't give him a editied version." Connor sighed heavily. "I ever tell you lass about finding Jon?"
"No." She said softly, going to kneel in front of him, resting her forearms on his thighs.
"Breanda...she wanted a baby. So badly...and I wanted to make her happy. We went to ophrnage after oprhange in England and Scotland." Connor paused. "When we saw Jon...when I held him. It was like holding the first born son me and Heather never had."
Claire nodded. "not like holding your and Brenda's child?"
Connor shook his head, bowing his head. "I loved her Claire...but I'd long given up any hope or dream of nautral children."
"Which you hadn't with Heather. I see." Claire bit her lip. "So you loved him from the first. Did you realize he was preimmortal right away?"
Connor smiled slightly and nodded. "And I loved him from the first moment I held him."
Claire sighed then laughed softly. "So did I. Granted he was much older..."
Connor reached out stroking her cheek. "Just as I loved you."
"I'm still angry at you." She said, leaning up to kiss him.
"I'm sure I'll do more to make you want to hit me love."

Sat, 17 Apr 2004 21:23:59 GMT

Happy birthday to me. I can't believe it.

I'm finished with the book. Completely done. Sending it off on monday done.

It was harder to write horror now. I mean, my imagination has nothing on what happened.
I had a nightmare last night. I'd fallen asleep in the living room so at least I didn't wake Connor but...it wasn't the worse one I ever had. But it was pretty bad. A hooded man kept trying to give me a sword. I kept refusing and refusing and saying I couldn't kill anyone. I told Adam I could. I think I could. But in my dream I couldn't. Then there was this burning and I looked down and I could see the knife in my chest, the hooded man holding it there. And then it was worse, I looked over and Jon already had one in his chest. So I started screaming and I looked up and the man threw back his hood and it was Connor. Fuck. What's wrong with me? I know Connor. I know he would never hurt Jon or me. Never. But...damn it. I don't think I started or flinched when he kissed me this morning but god. What's wrong with me?

Thu, 15 Apr 2004 04:02:10 GMT

Connor took me out on Tuesday. Totally surprised me. Dinner, dancing, lovely time. I can't believe I'd forgotten how much I like to dance. I can't believe I did dance.
Then we came home and Connor gave me a present. I'd almost forgotten.

Connor sliped his arm around Claire's shoulder as they walked inside the house. "Did you enjoy yourself bonny?"
"I did." She smiled and kissed his jaw. "You surprised me."
"That was the plan, Claire." Connor told her leading her to a chair. "And I still have a few more surpirse for you." He told her, kissing her.
"I think I may be surprised out." she warned, sliding off her shoes and kissing back.
Pushing her into the chair, he slid something out from behind a pillow. A rather larage jewlery box. "For you bonny." he told her.
"Jewelry?" she raised an eyebrow. "Connor, you didn't have to..."
He kissed her. "I wanted to. It part of your birthday gift."
"Who told?" she smiled, stroking his cheek. "Thirty-two this year." she wrinkled her nose.
"Your friend Dana did." Connor told her with a chuckle, kissing her nose. "Now open it."
She opened it and gasped softly, then kicked him lightly. "Connor, this is too much. It's beautiful, but...."
He chuckled and kissed her. Taking it out of the box, to put it on her. "It perfect for you."
She laughed softly. "It's beautiful though."
"Just like you." Connor grined kissing her again.
Claire slid her hands into his hair. "Thank you. This has been...a wonderful night."
He stroked her neckline. "I wanted to do some speical for you. I love you Claire." Connor told her, leaning down to kiss where his fingers had just been.
"I love you too." she whispered, stroking his hair. "When...When is Jon coming home?"
"Tommorw morning." Connor told her.
"Then I can kiss you in the living room?" She smiled, sliding off the chair.
"Then you can kiss me anywhere in the house you'd like too Claire." Connor grined.
"Goodie for me." She chuckled like a child.
Connor chuckled again, pulling her up again him.
"Thank you, Connor." she smiled softly, stroking his neck.
"Your welcome, bonny." his larage hands stroked down her back to rest on his hips, pulling her closer. "You look good enough to eat in that dress.."
"Do I?" she said archly, pressing against him. "Going to?"
"I think I will.."He growled softly, leaning down to bite and lick at her neck. His hands started pulling up her dress to around her hips.
Sliding her hands down to fiddle with the button his pants, she leaned into him, tilting her head to give him better access.

Suffice to say we made the most of the evening.

Tue, 30 Mar 2004 20:15:49 GMT

Jon's finished his math and he's off reading The Giver in theory- I think he's probably playing video games. I've finished another chapter of my book. That's two this week. I'll be able to get it off soon. I don't particularly feel like writing anymore. I'll start dinner soon probably.
Connor's off with Adam. I'm worried about him. I'm worried about Ryan. I'm worried about Dana- you okay?
Other things are good. Too good.

Connor had sports bag slung of his shoulder as he leaned over the couch to kiss Claire's cheek. "Could you watch Jon for a bit, bonny? Adam needs to sparr a bit."

She closed her book, using her finger to mark her place and turned her head to kiss his lips. "Is he going to be okay?"

Stroking a finger along her jaw line. "I hope so. Him and Richie are finished I think."

"Poor Adam." she shook her head. "They're both stupid; but Ryan's just a kid. He wasn't thinking." she covered his hand with her own. "Bring Adam here afterwards? Jon can cheer him up if he's ready to be cheered up."

"Alexa meant alot to him very quickly and he lost her all too soon...its a sore spot with him." Connor sighed leaning down to kiss her forhead. "I'll bring him around, if he's sober. But I think the lure of video games with Jon just might work."

"If he's not sober kill him and he'll come back sober, won't he?" Claire asked, then her hand flew up to cover her mouth. "I didn't just say that."

Connor laughed, deep and rich. "Yes you did bonny. And yes that certinly would sober the man up." He pulled her hand away kising her fingers.

She shivered slightly in pleasure. "I don't think he'd appreciate it however." she smiled.

"Depends on how much of an ass he's being." Connor told her. "Make sure Jon finishs his math?"

"Will do." she nodded. "I'm going to read with him too, if he wants. I've got a couple of books he might like."

Connor smiled down at her adoringly, before kissing her again. "I'll give you a call if I'm brining him back with me." he told her when the kiss broke. "And if I keep kissing you, I'm never going to get out of here."

"If you keep kissing me, I'm not going to let you get out of here." she smiled, stealing another quick kiss. "I'll see you soon, Connor."

"Bye bonny." He told her, smiling.

Sat, 27 Mar 2004 05:42:35 GMT

Such a bad idea...but totally and completely worth it.

She squeezed his hands tightly, eyes closing to let to rhythm and sensation to let her drift. "Oh, Connor." she murmured against his mouth, wanting to get closer to him.
Connor rocked against her, moving his head to bite and kiss at her throat. He pressed deeper with ever stroke. "Claire...bonny..." he groaned against her skin.

"Connor." She breathed, squeezing his hands tighter and moving with him.

His thrusts grew faster, his hands clutching hers tightly. Connor was breathing out her name like a prayer. He shuddered, trying to hold out for her.

Claire shuddered, feeling all her muscles contract as liquid heat shot through her before relaxing completely, coming silently.

Connor cry was muffled by her shoulder, as he spilled into her. He realized her hands, curling his arms about her as he collapsed. "Oh Claire..."

She slid her arms around him, holding him close as she gradually stopped shaking and kissed his cheeks, his jaw, all over his face. "Connor..."

Kissing her forhead he slid out of her, rolling on to his side and pulling her with him. "Aye bonny?" Connor asked, kissing her shoulder.

"Stop making me fall in love with you." she half-teased, curling close to him.

"I don't think I can do that, bonny." Connor chuckled, nuzzling her neck. "I love you Claire."

"Scariest thing I've heard all night." Claire murmered, moving closer to him. "I don't want to hurt you, Connor."

"And I don't want to hurt you." He told her. "Fine state we're in." he laughed softly.

"i feel rather fine right now." she grinned slightly. "And disinclined to worry about anything else."

"Good." Connor grined, stealing a kiss. He pulled down the sheets manveruing the two of them under the covers.

Claire sighed contentedly. "Are you sure you'll be up before Jonny?"

"Aye, if I stay to long feel free to kick my ass out of bed."He told her, curling up around her sleeply.

Claire kissed his shoulder. "Right, like I could ever do that."

"You'd be surpise what you can do, bonny." He told her on a yawn, kissing her nose.

"You do make me do strange things." she yawned, tucking her head under his shoulder. "Like wear me out."

"Thats a good thing given today." Connor told her, stroking her hair once. He closed his eyes, smiling contentdly

Last Wednesday.
</lj-cut"

Not for Jon

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 03:23:05 GMT

I went shopping with Dana and Amanda this afternoon. First time I've been shopping with other women since my mother died. I messed up a couple of times, but I had a good day. I talked to Amanda about ~~Connor~~ things. I feel so disconnected from the world. You were wrong, Amanda. He couldn't and do this.

"A lot of people don't use the moves I do these days. Makes things interesting." Adam smiled as they approached Connor's home.

Jon grined in anicpation. "I wish I could learn them all."

Inside Connor put a arm around Claire. "You aren't happy with this are you, bonny?"

"Have a little patience Jon, you're only 11, you've got time." Adam waited for Jon to get out his key.

"Not at all." Claire said with a tight smile. "But necessity."

"They'll be using pratcie swords." Connor told her, opening the front door. "Hello Adam. Hey Jon." He ruffled his son's hair.

"Hey, so are we still doing an afternoon of hitting each other with blunt sticks?" Adam grinned.

Connor rolled his eyes. "If I want to hit someone with a blunt stick it'll be Duncan." He laughed. "As for you and Jon..let me show you the pratice room."

"Hi Claire!"Jon said cheerful. "Are you going to pratice too?" He looked at her hopefully.

"I'll watch." She smiled, kissing Jon's forehead. "Did you have a good day?"

Adam shrugged his duffle higher onto his shoulder and followed Connor.

Jon nodded, taking Claire's hand as they followed his father and Adam. "We're using pratice swords so we won't get hurt." He told her reassureningly.

The pratice room was a sort of mini dojo. "Try not to make him to much of a prodgey huh?" Connor joked. "He already beats me in Bushido Blade."

"He beats you at most video games, Connor." Claire laughed.

"Right, don't teach Jon everything at once. Got it." Adam set down the bag and pulled out his sword. "This is what I use Jon."

I still have highscore on Space invaders." Connor pouted slightly.

"Wow...that looks really old." Jon said, eyeing it like some kids did candy.

"It looks really dangerous." Claire eyed it.

Connor refrained from shaking his head. "Claire.."

"It is." Adam put the sword back. "Which is why we'll stick with the practice swords today."

"Becuase Dad thinks I'm going to stab myself or something." Jon said rolling his eyes.

Connor chuckled. "Hey your Uncle Duncan fell on his sword once so.."

Adam laughed. "That he has." He turned to Jon. "So, warm up?"

"Well duh." Jon told him.

"See, your mobility and options are limited when you cut underhand like this." Adam held his wooden sword in one hand, slicing it in front of him. "You try and see."

Jon nodded watching Adam intently.

"Holding your blade like that forces you to hold it a little awkwardly." Adam moved to adjust Jon's grip.

Connor glanced over at Claire wondering what she thought of all this.

Claire glared at Adam as he showed Jon how to hold the blade, clenching her fists.

"Okay." Adam stepped back. "The thing is, you get a lot of power in a swing like that, and it's good for defense too."

Claire swallowed hard and leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and holding her stomach against nausa. Jon's just a boy.

"Claire relax.." Connor told her sofftly. "He wont hurt Jon."

"I know. I mean....Connor's he's just a boy."

Jon grined at Adam. "Where'd you learn this move, Adam? Bet its realllly old."

"Very. It's actually from when your blade wasn't as sharp, or long. You had to hit harder." Adam demonstrated another cut with the same grip.

"Claire, he was handling a sword when he was two." Connor told her.

"Blade were made of brozne then weren't they?" Jon asked.

"For god's sake, why" She gritted out. "It's not necessary. It's barbaric."

"Yes. I still have one of my first blades. I'll get it out of storage if you want to see it."

"Claire, we have to fight to surive. It's better he learned ealrly."Connor told her trying to keep his temper.

Claire gritted her teeth and ignored him.

Adam swung his sword again. "If you work at it you can switch your grip back to something more stable."

"Coolness...and I do want to see your first blade. I mean c'mon your older than dirt so its gotta be old." Jon grined, eyes following the sword moves.

"How old are you, Adam?" Claire asked suddenly. "not older than dirt obviously. Connor's age?"

Adam stopped. "Some dirt, yes. And no." He laughed. "Connor's but a boy." He looked over at Connor. "Sorry, but you are."

"I was being serious." Claire glared. "How old are you?"

Adam toyed with the wooden sword, flipping it from one grip to another. "Promise you won't tell?" he asked with a smirk.

Connor grumbled. "I'm older than Duncan."

"Who am I going to tell?" She snarked

Adam laughed. "Seriously Claire, I'm very old. A few thousand near as I can guess."

He continued to play with the sword, swinging it around in arcs.

Claire coughed. "Beg pardon?"

Connor tired hard not snort. A few thousand.

"Claire...leave it be."

"Fine, 5000 is closer to the truth."

Adam looked over to Jon and corrected his stance before turning back to Claire and Connor. "That's old enough to know a few things."

Claire glared. "Fine. Lie. I don't care."

"Adam knows almost everything." Jon told her, he looked at Adam with a grin.

Connor gritted his teeth. "Claire..."He's voice held warning.

He flipped his sword again. "Like, always have more than one way out, and always have more than one weapon..." He lunged, the wooden blade several inches from her neck. "And never ever let your guard down." He stood, dropping the sword and backing up.

"I don't remember where or when I was born."

Claire screamed, before balling up her fists. "I'll tell you where you're going to die, you bastard." she said, punching out.

Jon's jaw droped. "Claire?"

He fended her off, turning to avoid her fist.

"Claire!"

Connor reached to grab her.

"not fucking funny!" she screamed trying to punch him again, squirming away from Connor. "Don't touch me!"

Connor took a step back in shock. "Jon go up stairs."

Adam backed up. "Holy ground Claire. It's the only other option. Or come at me."

Jon shook his head. "No! Claire stop it!" His voice broke slightly as he looked from Adam to Claire. "Stop it!"

"Jon upstairs!" Connor ordered. Jon feld the room.

"You want me to attack you? You want me to try to kill you? Do you know how many immortals I've seen die?" she screamed. "I don't want to hurt anyone!"

Adam kept his eyes on Claire. "I want to know you can keep yourself alive. I want to know that someone my friend loves will be able to take care of herself."

"I don't want to kill anyone." Claire panted., watching Adam carefully.

"It's not about wanting to hurt people, Claire!" Connor told her, puting a wodden pratice sword in her hand. "It's about wanting to stay alive, its about wanting to protect the people you love. You love Jon don't you?"

"Of course." She glared at Connor.

"Neither do I Claire. I've spent hundreds of years hiding. I hate the fight. But I like my head." Adam crouched, setting down the sword. He stood and held his arms open. "You can't hide forever."

"I don't want to hide forever. I don't want this at all." she shook her head, unconciously tightening her grip on the wooden sword. "Why are you...why did you put it down?"

"I told you. I hate the fight." He shrugged. "You can't take my head with a wooden blade. I've been around a long time Claire, you are not the first new immortal I've met with this view."

Connor folded his arms watching.

"So what do you do?" Claire asked softly.

"Being able to fight and protect yourself doesn't mean you like to kill or hurt people, Claire." Connor said.

Adam stepped forward carefully. "You learn how to defend yourself. And you be careful. I wasn't lying, I've been doing this for 5000 years at least."

"How do you stand it?" She asked, eyeing him warily.

Adam sighed. "Sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I just walk until I stop thinking. Sometimes I write it down." He paused. "I'll show you my journals..."

"Does it help?" She asked, biting her lip.

He nodded. "Sometimes. It's that or die. And survival is too much of a habit after all this time."

Connor relaxed slightly. He'd hoped when Adam had told him he'd push her, that something like this would happen.

"So you still think I'm lying?" Adam put his hands in his pockets and slouched, seemingly at ease.

"No. It makes sense. Sort of. As much as anything does. Why can't be the beer-guzzling former-watcher turned history teacher be Methos?" she suddenly sat on the floor. "I think I"m going to be sick."

"I'm sorry," Adam whispered.

Connor was at her side, hands stroking her back. "Breathe Claire.."He mummered.

"I'm still pissed at you." She muttered., taking a deep breath and leaning against him.

"I know." He told her softly kissing her forhead.

"And I assume you hate me with a violent passion which will never fade," Adam sighed.

"No, really pissed." she clarified. "I'm more angry at you than Adam right now.But that could be the blinding fear talking." she said thoughtfully.

"Claire, someone had to get through to you."Connor told her, with a helpless shurg.

Adam sat down against the opposite wall, crossing his legs. "And everyone agrees, I'm a ruthless bastard."

"No you aren't Adam. Your a cunning bastard." Connor smiled slightly.

"Close enough."

Adam grinned. "So that's one less person we have to be careful around with my name..."

"Coming out to the whole world are we?" Claire glared half-heartedly

"Dad? Claire? Adam?" Jon stuck his head back into the room. "You guys done yelling at each other?"

"Oh yes, we should throw me a party." Adam looked over at Jon. "Yes Jon, no more yelling."

"Jonny, I'm so sorry." Claire said softly.

Jon walked over to Claire and huged her. "Its okay Claire." He told her before moving over to Adam and huging him. "I dont want you two to fight. Your like my two favorite people."

"That offer stands Claire, that and any training Connor can't handle." Adam stood and hugged Jon back.

"Thank you Adam." She said softly, opening her arms to pull Jon back for another hug, needing the physical contact.

Jon huged her tightly, Connor sliping his arm about her shoulder.

"Adam..thanks."Connor said smiling at his friend.

"Oh, always a pleasure to scare the shit out of someone." Adam grimaced.

Claire gave him the finger behind Jon's back, thought she smiled while she did it. Connor, she glared at.

Adam laughed "I think that's enough swordplay for today. Anyone up to be crushed in Tetris?"

Strangely I'm more angry at Connor then Adam. Adam doesn't give a damn about me, or my feelings. Connor supposedly does- more, he knows from me why I'm afraid. I assume Adam knows too, that bastard knows everything, but Connor's heard me have nightmares about it. So he let's my worst fear happen.

Mon, 22 Mar 2004 02:48:25 GMT

Moved all of my things into Connor's house. It's strange. It's like I've always been there.

"Dad's making crab cakes for dinner." Jon told Claire as he floped back on the couch, picking up his game controller.

"you like those?" she asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

Jon nodded. "I love those! Do you like them?" Jon asked, resting his against Claire.

"not had them since I was little." she answered. "Hey, Jonny? Are you okay with me being here? Because if yu're not I can go back to my apartment."

Jon looked at her like she'd grown another head. "I like you here Claire! And so does dad." Jon told her. "You can see how good I am with my katas too now."

"Yeah, I"m sure you're great." she smiled, ruffling his hair. "As long as you don't use a real sword."

"Dad doesn't let me yet all the time yet. Once a week I get to do sword katas with him with my real sword, most of the time I use wooden, but you don't even need a sword for most katas." He told her. He looked up at her after a moment. "Claire, are you like my dad now?"

She bit her lip. "What do you mean, Jon?"

Jon looked up at her solemly with vivd green eyes. "Are you immortal now?"

"Yes." she said slowly, clenching her hand into a fist where he couldn't see. "I'm sorry, Jon."

Jon huged her. "Don't be sorry. It isn't your fault, and your still Claire."

She wrapped both arms around him. "Still. That's why I'm here now. Because your Dad wants me to be safe."

"I want you to be safe too." Jon told her, then smiled. "Dad likes you alot you know."

She laughed softly. "He just feels responsible for me.

Jon looked doubtful. "If you say so." he told her as Connor came into the room.

"You two still playing video games?" Connor teased, ruffling Jon's hair and droping a kiss on Claire's forhead.

"he's always going to beat me." Claire smiled.

"Not in space invaders. Your the best in that Claire." Jon laughed, looking happly at Claire and his father.

"Hey what happened to me being the best at that?"Connor chuckled.

"I'm better." Claire grinned.

Connor laughed. "Hey Jon can you set the table for me, lad?"

Do I have too?" Jon whined making a face.

"We can eat off the floor." Claire teased.

"Juan Rameriz MacLeod..." Connor said looking pointedly at the boy.

Jon rolled his eyes again getting up. "Okay...okay...I'm going."

"I'll clean 'em, fair deal?" claire offered.

Jon nodded going into the kitchen. Connor placed a kiss to her cheek. "Your wonderful with him."

"I love him." she said, surprising herself. "He's hard not to."

"He loves you too you know." He told Claire, sitting down beside her.

She leaned against him. "I'm glad. It'll just hurt him when I go though.

Connor sighed softly. "Claire, you don't have to leave."

"Eventually I do."

"Why's that love?" Connor asked gently stroking her shoulder.

"Because when you're done teaching me, I'll have to go."

Shaking his head Connor leaned over and kissed her on the lips. "Claire, I don't want to be just your teacher."

"I'm scared, Connor. I'm scared of staying here, I'm scared of going. I'm scared of you, scared of me." she frowned. "I'm afraid of hurting Jon. He was really hurt by Alex."

Connor nodded slightly. "I know he was. I regert that more than I can say." he told her. "Claire..when I had my first death, they drove me from my village calling me a devil. For years after, a didn't know what I was until Rameriz found me. Even then I was terrifed. I still am sometimes."

She cupped his cheek. "Then it's normal? Wanting to vomit all the time?"

"For a while it is. "Connor told her covering her hand with his. "Take it one day at a time for while Claire. Things will get better, you'll see."

She swallowed hard and then kissed him. "Okay. Things'll get better. I believe you."

Connor kissed her again. "Good. I'll wait awhile before having you up a dawn to jog." he teased.

"Jogging with Richie." she smiled. "Running seems to be an important skill."

"It helps build endruance and muscle tone. Plus sometimes running away is the best option." He stole another kiss, making it deeper this time.

"My only option." she said as the kiss broke, gasping a little.

"For the moment." He told her. "Well and shooting." Connor nuzzled her throat giving her a niping kiss there. Letting her feel the new sentetive of her throat.

She gasped, clenching his shirt in her hands as he nipped at her neck. "Can't shoot."

"I'll teach you or your friend Dana can." His fingers stroked through her hair as he niped at her throat again right at the pluse point.

"Don't wan-" she breathed out, shakily. "Connor. Jon's in the next room."

Connor laughed shaikly. "Your right, he doesn't need that sort of education yet." He kissed her temple, as he listened to Jon clattering dishes together. "Claire you need to learn to protect yourself."

She nodded, pulling herself so close to him she was one step from being in his lap. "I know. I do. I"m just...I'd rathe rnot hurt anyone."

"Thats a good thing bonny. I only kill when I have no other choice, it how Rameriz taught me and how I taught Duncan...and how I'm teaching Jon." He wraped a arm about her holding her close. "Though I wanted to hurt that bastard for hurting you..."

"Hey, he only stabbed me." she smiled, biting back a sob. "Poor Richie though."

"I know." HE cuddled her closer. "I know bonny." He stroked her back.

"Hey Dad, when's dinner going to be ready?" Jon called from the kitchen.

"I..." she sighed. "Hey, Jonny, come here. I need a hug from you."

Jon came out of the kitchen. "You okay Claire?" He asked, sitting next to her and his father. Huging Claire too.

"yeah, I just missed my boy." She smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

Jon grined looking up at his father and Claire. "I'm your boy? Cool."

Connor smiled at them both, kissing Claire's cheek and ruffling Jon's hair. "I better go finish dinner so you two don't starve."

"Don't have another now do I?" she grinned, kissing Jon's forehead.

Jon smiled up at her happily.

Sun, 21 Mar 2004 13:16:55 GMT

Weekend was lousy.
Kidnapped.
Watched someone- two someone's even- I like killed and/or beaten.
Killed.
Not-Dead.
That poor woman.
Woke up from a nightmare.
At least it was a quiet one.
Connor's asleep.

No, having written this it doesn't feel any more real. It's like a story I wrote. Horrible, violent, terrifying and completely removed from myself.

He keeps talking about a sword. I won't. I can't. I can't kill someone. I won't be put in that position. Please.

Wed, 17 Mar 2004 00:48:29 GMT

I should have known this would happen. Why did I let myself do this. I know better. I have to go, God, what was I thinking? A week being stupid, I start back actually doing my job and now...of course.

Sun, 14 Mar 2004 03:16:36 GMT

"What about this one Claire?" Jon asked putting on a green and blue jesters cap covered in bells. The noise made Connor wince.

"I like it." Claire nodded, snickering softly at Connor. "We need to get one for your dad like that. He need one with a lot of bells."

"This is your plan to get back at me for the tights isn't it Jon?"Connor asked his son. The boy nodded and grined. "Its a conspiray." Connor sighed picking up another belled cap and placing it on Claire's head.

She shook her head slightly, hearing the bells before striking a pose. "What do you think, Jonny? Do I fit in now?"

Jon giggled. "I think so! Dad needs one though."

Connor gave Claire a pleading look. "Aw Claire..."

"Aww what?" she grinned. "Match him kilt do you think, Jon?" she said hunting for a blue one.

Connor sighed. "I can see I'm not going to win this one am I?"

Jon laughed. "Blue would work." He told her finding a blue one.

"Two on one, Connor. We're going to win." she smiled, poking Jon slightly in a tickle. "Ahha!" she pulled out a blue and light blue one covered in bells. "You think?"

"Yea that one." Jon agreed, grinning ear to ear.

Connor threw his hands up in surrender. "Think it matchs my eyes?" He teased Claire, pulling out his wallet.

She tilted his head to look in his eyes. "No, your eyes are a better color."

Grining he leaned down to steal a kiss. "I think that's supposed to my line, bonny." He told her, walking over to pay for the three hats.

She blushed and looked over at Jon and covered his eyes, laughing. "Sorry, you didn't need to see that."

Jon made a face rolling his eyes. "Can we go watch the mud show next?" he asked.

"Yeah." she slung an arm over his shoulder. "I saw one where they did a version of Dante's Inferno in the mud. I was...14?"

"They did Dante's Inferno in mud? Cool..." Jon laughed. "What do you think dad?"

"I think it sounds muddy." Connor laughed, pushing the hat over his son's eyes. "But sure lets go watch them play in the mud."

"What show are they doing?" she asked, looking for a seat for all three of them.

"Beuwolf it looks like." Connor told her. "No too close up Jon or I'll have to dunk you in a well to get you clean."

"Daddd.."Jon whined.

"And you'll freeze to death and have ice cubes hanging from your nose and then I'll laugh." Claire grinned at him. "Come on, let's go sit here." she said, pulling him toward a seat just out of the splash zone.

Jon sat beside Claire, as Connor slide a arm around Claire's shoulders. "You enjoying yourself?

"Yeah, actually I am." she grinned, shaking her head slightly to hear the bells then taking it off and leaning against Connor. "Thanks for bringing me." She leaned over and covered Jon's eyes with one hand then kissed Connor quickly.

"Gross musy stuff." Jon grumbled.

Connor laughed softly. "Someday you won't mind the musy stuff some much."

"Or you will and you'll be the creepy old guy with the cats." Claire teased

"Well, I like cats...." Jon mused.

"Don't give the boy ideas...last year he told me he was going to become a monk." Connor told her.

"Jon, I won't be able to date you anymore if you're a monk." Claire teased.

"You mean I'll have you all to myself? Jon, change of plan, I'm sending you off to a monstary." Connor said chuckling, the bells on his cap ringing.

Jon groaned. "Daadd.. I saw her first."

Claire choked on giggles. "It's going to start soon."

"Hey look dad, there Adam!" Jon said spoting his teacher staked out by a pub. "Adam!" he called already headed that way.

Connor looked apolgeticly at Claire. "You don't have to go near him if you don't want to Claire."

"Hey kiddo!" Adam lounged on a bench in the shade, nursing what looked to be one of a series of beers.

"I'll be fine." she nodded, clenching her fists slightly. "He did what was best."

Adam waved to Connor and sighed as he noticed Claire with him.

"Hi Adam, drinking for four?" The boy asked.

"Hey stop stealing my lines kid!" Connor laughed, squezzing Claire's hand comfortingly.

"Some of these were Richie's I'll have you know." Adam shifted, gesturing for Jon to sit down next to him. "So how have you folks been doing?"

Jon sat down and shook his head so Adam could hear the bells. "Dad got us hats."

"I see that, very jingly." Adam smiled.

"Yes, I was conned into buying hats with bells." Connor smiled at Claire. "I can't imagine how."

"Because they matched your kilt?" she grinned

"While I have been abandoned to drown myself in beer." Adam sighed. "I think Richie is buying something embarassing."

"I'm sure you deserve it."Connor chuckled, sliding a arm around Claire's waist.

"I'm sure I do," Adam sighed.

"Whats he buying?" Jon wanted to know.

"It can't be that bad." Claire said, trying to tease

Adam looked bleak, "One can only imagine..."

He smiled. "He could be buying us matching jingly hats."

Connor groaned. "That would be horrible. Imagine the noise."

Jon rolled his eyes. "Claire what time is the Dante's Infero show at the mud pit? Maybe Richie and Adam can come too."

"But it would be so easy to find us." Adam pointed out, still smiling.

"Yes we call singal each other by the sounds of the bells." Connor said shaking his head.

"It's at 4, Jon." Claire grinned. "It'll be fun. Maybe Adam wants to sit in the front row." she smiled sweetly.

"And ruin my pants? I think not."

"Richie could help you clean then." Connor said chuckling.

Adam laughed, finishing off his beer. "I think we'll be fine without the mud."

"Mud is fun though. "Jon said, very much NOT understand the subtext going on.

Claire shook her head. "We can make mud pies, Jon."

"Perhaps Jon, but I've seen enough mud to last me my next several lifetimes, and mud and leather do not go together." Adam reached over and flicked one of the jingly bits on Jon's hat.

"Mud pies are only fun if you get to throw them at someone..."Jon started to say.

"No." Connor said, giving his son a look.
ryenna: Adam chuckled.

Claire caught Jon's eyes and winked, nodding and putting one finger over her mouth

"Richie had better show up soon, or I'll have to kill him in his sleep tonight in revenge." Adam looked around and grinned. "Oh look... lovebirds."

Claire turned around and saw Matt and Dana. Immediately her eyes flew up to her hairline. "Ah."

"Perhaps I should stick with you all, give them a moment together," Adam remarked thoughtfully."

Connor chuckled. "I think we could all wander off and they wouldn't notice at this point. What do you think Claire?" he grined at Claire a bit.

She frowned then shrugged. "Fuck, I don't know where Richie is so we'll all be slackers together." she clapped her hand over her mouth."Sorry, Jon."

Jon gaped at her, eyes wide.

"Sorry! It slipped."

"Adam...could you watch Jon a moment?" Connor asked, gently taking Claire's arm pulling her off to the side out of ear shot.

"Sure. So kiddo... having fun?"

"Sorry, Connor, I wasn't thinking, it just slipped."

"It's okay Claire, it happens. Are you okay? I didn't think seeing them would upset you so much..."Connor said.

Jon nodded to Adam. "Yea, the mud show did a version of Beuwolf."

"No, I'm happy for Dana and Matt, just...hell." she rubbed her forehead. "Just reminded me of all the things I'm doing I shouldn't be."

Connor placed a finger under her chin. "I'm sorry, your supposed to be having a good time. I didn't mean to ruin it."

She kissed him. "You didn't. You and Jon make it a good time."

"Any good? Or just muddy?" Adam stretched out his arms along the back of the bench.

"I thought it was funny." Jon told Adam. "It wasn't anything like the actaully story but I think given the veinun the arstic lincense with accetpable."

Adam smiled. "So shall we call this a field trip and count it towards your history credits?"

Connor kissed Claire back, making some of the bells ring on her cap. "C'mon bonny, lets get back before those two get into a debate on weather Beowulf was ever performed in mud at the time of its writting."

Jon grined. "I think if your other students heard that, they'd be jealous."

"Did they have anything other than mud back then?" she grinned, putting her arm around his waist and walking back toward Jon and Adam.

"Look behind me, is there are girl in street clothes with red hair glaring at me?"

Jon looked. "Yep there's a redhead mundane trying to kill you with looks."

"Well then yes, one of my students is jealous," Adam whispered, smirking.

Jon laughed. "Well, she can't be very smart wearing sandles like thoses to a Renfaire."

"She told Richie he was wearing a skirt..."

"We had more than mud!" Connor protested to Claire. "We had dirt and filfy too."

"She must have a death wish." Jon said thoughtlyfuly.

"I have wondered," Adam muttered.

"I'll say." Claire said, pressing a kiss to the top of Jon's hat. "Don't mock the kily."

"Do you know why they call it a kilt, claire?"Connor asked with a grin,

Jon groaned. "Not this one...."

Adam chuckled in anticipation.

"Why?" she asked nervously

"Becuase the last person that called it a skirt was kilt'd." Connor said in a over blown scotish accent.

Jon covered his face with his hands.

Claire groaned, letting go of Connor and hugging Jon. "Jon, I'm very, very sorry your father has no sense of humor."

"Hey!"

Jon laughed. "Sorry dad, your jokes are really bad."

Connor sighed. "No respect. I get no respect. Well c'mon Jon, if you want to see the mud show we should go."

"Claire?" Adam called out as they turned to leave.

"Yes?" she turned, her smile dropping.

"I'm sorry. You look lovely today. I hope you're having a good time."

"I...thank you, Adam."

"If you see Richie, do tell him I'm getting very slowly drunk." He grinned andwaved.

"Slowly? Right." she smiled before turning back to go.

Connor just laughed, putting a arm around Claire.

"Of course slowly," he muttered, "as if quickly was possible with this stuff."

Oh, and Dana and Matt? Very cute.

Sat, 13 Mar 2004 19:54:00 GMT

I had dinner with Connor and Jon tonight. I keep doing that. I really shouldn't. I helped Jon with his math and we argued over children's literature. I'm bringing over a stack at some point. Jon went to bed, and Connor and I talked some.

"Yea so I do have alot of kilts." Connor said, rubing the back of his neck. In the closet hung at least 12 kilts. From clan tartans, to ulit-kilts, and a black leather one in the back.

"Yes, but why?" Claire laughed. "It's not as if they're part of your everyday wardrobe."

"Used to be." Connor said with a grin. "Jon told me he wouldn't be seen with me wearing a skirt to PTA meetings."

Claire snickered. "I'm with Jon on this one. But he's wearing one tomorrow too?"

"Aye. Of his own choice too. He didn't mind wearing 'em sometimes when we lived in Scotland." Connor shurged slightly. "Richie is going to be the intersting one. We're putting him in his first kilt tommorw."

"He's going to wear a MacLeod clan kilt?" Claire wondered, examing one in Connor's closet.

"He is family. Wether he fond of his father at the moment for not."

Claire nodded slowly. "He and Jon are lucky to have family like that." She frowned. "Did you read Jon's journal today?"

"Yea...uhm, I'm sorry about that. I had a talk with him." Connor said looking away from her.

Resisting the urge to reach for his hand, Claire asked "What did he say? What did you say for that matter."

"Just that me and you didn't know where this was going to go long term. We also had a long talk about Alex, one we should have had a while ago." Connor shook his head slightly. "He understands, I think. But he told me if I wasn't going to keep you he would."

"I am dating Jon after all." she nodded seriously before smiling and stepping over to him and kissing his cheek. "I just didn't want to say anything to him without talking to you. I keep making plans of things to do with him and I realized that I might not be able to."

Connor gentle put his arms around her. "Claire, I want to be with you for as long as you let me."

She grinned, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Ah, you say that now. You've not seen me before coffee or after a nightmare."

"And you haven't seen ME before coffee, or after I've spent all day in so dusty dirty wearhouse." Connor told her with laugh.

She leaned up and kissed him softly before turning to the kilts. "Which are you wearing?"

Connor shurged runing his fingers through his hair. "I'll let you choice..."

Immediately she pointed at the black leather one before blushing. "If you want."

Wearing a rather wicked grin, he put his arms around her again. "Aye, I'll wear that one if you wish, bonny." he told her, leaning down to kiss her.

After kissing him, she pulled away with a grin. "Bonny? I don't think I've ever been called that before."

"Well you are...or my vision is going." Connor teased.

"Maybe you need to go see the Optomitrist." Claire teased back before tilting her head. "I don't know though. You'd look strange in glasses."

"Hey I've worn glasses before. They make me look educated." He laughed, kissing her forhead.

"Why'd you wear them? Just to look cool?"

"Belive it or not immortals don't have perfect vision." He said flushing slightly. "I need them to read."

"Really?" she grined "So it is your eyes. Maybe you need to wear them more."

"I think I'll just keep calling you bonny." he told her with a kiss.

She shook her head. "If you insist." she frowned suddenly, something occuring to her. "I don't have to dress up tomorrow, do I?"

He smiled slightly. "Not if you don't want to...I'm sure we could find you something there though if you change your mind."

"I'll buy a funny hat when we get there." she grinned. "Or I'll match with Jonny if he wants." she fingered her hair contemplating. "I could pass off as a boy."

"You wouldn't never pass as a boy." He told her grining, pulling her to him and nuzzling her hair. "You're a bit to..curvey."

She leaned against him, sliding her hands over the smal of his back. "Damn it. I knew one day I'd regret puberty." she laughed, kissing his shoulder. "Funny hat it is then."

He stroked a large hand down her back. "You and Jon can both get one.."

"We'll inflict one on you too. The more the merrier."

Connor gave a mock grimamce. "Oh no not the silly hat..."

"With bells." she added. "Many bells."

"You'll be able to hear us comming a mile away." Connor chuckled.

She stiffened slightly before relaxing again. "Not why we should wear them. It's just fun. I made my nephews wear bells all the time when they were little. So I hear bells and I smile. It's practically Pavaloian."

He kissed her forhead. "It's getting late."

"I should go." she sighed. "Let me go kiss Jon goodnight."

Connor nodded, stealing another kiss.

Breaking away from Connor reluctantly, she went to Jon's room, sitting on the bed and brushing his hair back from his forehead before kissing there gently. "Night, Jonny."

Sleeply green eyes looked up at him. "Night Claire." he mummered.

Kissing him once more, she stood up and left the room, heading over to Connor, kissing his cheek. "What time tomorrow? Should I come here?"

"How about me and Jon pick you up? We need to run Richie's kilt over, and I'll need to show him how to wear it, and I know your still uspet with Adam.."

"I won't attempt to castrate him, so I'm not as angry as I was." she said cheerfully. "But okay, what time?"

"About 9? The faire gates open at 10." He told her.

"See you then." she said, leaning up to kiss him softly.

Connor kissed her back stroking her hair.

Then I went home and read some. I ~~hope~~ think it was my choice in literature that brought on the nightmare. No horror stories before bed. Connor and Jon'll be here soon. It's already quarter of nine.

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 17:33:29 GMT

Meet with Connor yesterday. I didn't have a nightmare last night, so progress I suppose.

Claire sat in the back of the coffee shop, tapping her fingers on the large file folder she'd brought with her and trying not to look nervous. Idly, she watched the streets for a large fendora.

Connor entered the coffee shop, looking around. He smiled slightly when she saw Claire, walking over to her table. "Hello Claire."

She started a bit, then smiled, still tapping. "Hi, Connor. Thank's for coming."

"You get any sleep?"he asked softly, sitting down.

"Some." she answered, not adding that all of it was before her nightmare. "How's Jon?"

"He's alright, tutoring with Adam this afternoon. He loves history." Connor told her.

"I know he does." She sighed. "I just wanted to tell you why I'm having nightmares and that it's really not your fault. so I'm just going to cut to it. It's not."

"Claire...I've obviously caused you some...fear." Connor said looking across the table at her.

Not meeting his eyes, she clicked her nail against her coffee mug. "Because of what you are, not who you are." she shrugged. "I was having them just from watching Ryan too. Just...the more personal, the worse the nightmare."

"Why do you watch us then?"Connor had to asked softly.

"Have to." she smiled tightly. "I refuse to let him win. I keep up with it, I'll stop havng nightmares and he won't be able to control me. He's dead anyway."

Connor reached out his fingers brushing her's sligthly. "Who was he?"

She took a deep breath and tangled her fingers with him. "His name was Gregory Keanine."

A look of horror crossed Connor's face, as he squeezed her fingers. "Christ, Claire. That man would have given the Kurguan nightmares." he breathed.

She chuckled painfully, speaking dryly "Oh, he wasn't that bad. I'm sure he had many redeeming qualities. But...you understand? It's me, not you."

"It's not even you, Claire. It isn't your fault you have nightmares...he...never hurt you did he?"Connor asked looking worried.

"He only ever attacked immortals in this century, Connor." she shrugged. "He grabbed me at a party I was serving at once. Slapped me and told me he'd be waiting for me. He never got that close again."

Connor let out a breath, squeezing her hand gently. "If he wasn't already dead..."Connor stoped himself shaking his head. "I wish I could tell you the nightmare will go away...they will get less ferquent over time."

She clenched her free hand. "They went away for a few months...I suppose they'll go away again. I'm sorry, Connor, none of this is fair to you."

Connor shurged slightly. "I'm just glad I know now. I'll be there for you Claire...whatever you need, if you let me."

"I do like you. I like being with you and Jon. Just...a little irrational fear is thrown in there."

He smiled sligthly, stroking the back of her heand with his thumb. "We'll take things one step at a time then.."

"Okay." She exhaled. "We're still on for Ren Faire this weekened?"

"If you still want to go, we'd love for you to come with us." he said.

"I told Jon I would. He doesn't need to know about any of this. None. Not that I have nightmares and certainly not why." she frowned, "It's going to be hard enough when he eventually becomes immortal."

"Which won't be untill he's good and grown up, if I have anything to do with it." Connor said leaning forward a bit. "I don't want him dying young like I did."

Taking a deep breath, she cupped his cheek. "You were only eighteen, weren't you?"

He nodded slowly. "My first battle too." He managed a smile, leaning into her touch slightly.

"Jon won't be in that position." she frowned. "He'll live a long, long time."

"Yes he will," Connor agreed. "Have you eaten lunch already?"

She laughed. "Couldn't. My stomach rebelled at the idea. Didn't you eat with Jon?"

"Hot dogs and french fries." Connor said making a bit of a face.
WatchesWatching: Claire snickered. "You know, you really need to start feeding him real food."

"I do!" Connor said, almost sounding like a sulky child. "We have raviolli and salad on monday night. He got Sushi on saturday."

She laughed and pressed a kiss to his lips without thinking about it. "It's Wednesday now, Connor."

Kissing her back breifly he grined. "Hey we're having ginger terkai glazed salmon tonight."

"I'll pretend to believe that." she smiled, leaning back in her chair.

"Hey! At least he's not in his mac and chesse faze. When he was five that was ALL he would eat. I thought I was going to go mad." Connor laughed.

"He only are Mac and cheese? That's....cruel."

"He wouldn't eat a single other thing." Connor told her with a grin. "Would you like to come with me to pick up Jon?" he asked hestinetly.

"I don't know." she frowned. "Can I wait outside? I don't want to see Adam."

"You could...you don't have to come with me if you don't want to though Claire..."

I went though. Had dinner with Jon and Connor. Helped Jon with his math. It ws....I don't know, nice.

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 17:27:00 GMT

So everyone's found my journal. How lovely. I knew I should have marked everything private.

I'm breaking my oath even more today. I'm bringing Keanine's chronicle with me to see Connor. Because it's not fair for him to think this is his fault. It really isn't.

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 05:45:42 GMT

Nightmare again. He was kissing me again, and he wrapped an arm around me and stabbed me in the back.

Which is actually a fairly good metaphor for how my relationships generally go now that I think about it.

Hot chocolate and sitting at the window watching the cars go by. This is my night now.

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 01:39:49 GMT

I'm such an idiot. I really am.

Jon's lessons had just started, the boy having waved to her several times already. "Hello Claire." Came Connor's voice was he climbed up on the bleachers.

Claire stiffened, but not as much as she had before. "Hello, Mr. MacLeod." she said, keeping her eyes on Jon.

"You were calling me Connor the other day." He pointed out with a bit of a smile.

"Hello, Connor." she thawed slightly, turning to look at him. "Jon's looking well."

"I'm surpised he hasn't been up here already. I wasn't sure what he was looking forward too more, seeing you or riding his bike." Connor laughed.

Claire grinned widely. "Well, that's very, very flattering."

"Heh. He's a good kid. How have you been, hope Richie hasn't had you all over the place." Connor asked.

"No more than usual." She bit her lip. "This is easier if you pretend you don't know what I do.And if I pretend I don't know what you are."

He nodded slightly. "I can do that." His lip curved up slightly. "Think I can talk you into pizza again?"

"I thought Jon was talking me into Pizza last time?"

"Heh, good point. Well then can me and Jon take you out for pizza this evening?" Connor asked ducking his head a little bit.

Claire smiled. "Sure." she teased "Got to stop letting Jon out pace you on dates, MacLeod."

He spread his hands out. "Hey what can I do, my boy has more charm than I do."

"you're pretty charming." she allowed. "I already lost my heart to a boy with brown hair though."

"Okay but I warn you...he has a pretty strick curfew and his old man if over protective." Connor chuckled.

Claire grinned. "I promise I'll have your baby in by 9, Daddy."

"You know when he does start going on dates, I'll probably have heart faulire. Thankful he still thinks girls are weird." he shook his head.

"Just imagine- grandchildren." she pointed out. "He can't give you grandkids without dating."

Connor's eyes grew distance, a flash of pain crossing his face. He managed a weak half hearted chuckle. "Aye."

She leaned over and put her hand on Connor's. "You okay?"
Connor turned his hand fingers curling around her hand gentle. "He can't have children Claire. None of my kind can." He said very softly.
"He's pre-immortal?" she breathed softly, looking out at the cheerful boy on his dirt bike. "I...I'm sorry."
He managed a smile. "It's alright, you didn't know." Connor looked out towards Jon who waved at them. "I knew when I adopted him as a baby."
"Hard choice?" she said, seemingly unaware she was still holding Connor's hand. "To know you might have to face him one day with a sword?"
"Most of us would rather not fight, we just want to live our lives...we take challenges when we have too.”Connor smiled slightly. "I hope if I don't screw up to badly in raising him, he'll feel the same way."
She shivered slightly, remembering Watching an Immortal who didn't feel that way. "He's wonderful so far."
Connor thumb stroked the back of his hand almost unconsciously. "He is at that, but I'm slightly biased." he chuckled. "He does get a bit spoiled by his Aunts and Uncles."
"I don't think he's spoiled at all." she frowned. "But then, I'll admit to a Jon-bias too. I suspect it's highly contagious."
"Heh, it might be." Connor looked over at her with a smile. "Have you ever been to New York?"
"Not for a while, why?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at the sudden change.
"Just wondering actually. When we moved to Seacouver, Jon was convinced we were moving to the middle of nowhere again."
"Hardly that." she laughed. "How long were you in New York?"
"Jon and I? For about four years. We lived in Scotland and Africa before that." Connor said, knowing she probably already knew most of that.
"Maybe that's why he had such a problem in school. He just wasn't used to so many people..."
Connor nodded. "I think so, I'd been teaching him along with private tutors for years. Sometimes you don't know how tightly to hold on."
"He's got to grow up sometime, Connor."
Connor chuckled. "I know, at least he's not driving yet...or going to College. I don't think I'm ready for that."
"Where are you going to send him for college do you th- wait, I don't want to know. It's like he's grown up and I just don't want to imagine that." she grinned over at him.
Connor chuckled softly. "You see my trouble then." he looked down at where their hands where joined. "I'm taking Jon to the local ren faire this weekend...would you like to come?"

She followed his glance and finally realized they were holding hands. Blushing, she tugged at her hand. "Garb?"
He released her hand. "If you'd like, me and Jon are going in kilts as is Duncan."
"MacLeod kilts, of course." She laughed. "I'll ask Jon if he'd be okay with regular clothes or if he wants me to share his humiliation in a skirt."
A smile curled Connor's mouth. "He says kilts are better than tights."
"You didn't have the child in tights, did you?" Claire said in feigned shock.
"He was two." Connor said in his defense. "And he want'ed to be a musketeer...though looking back he might have said mouseketter." He was grinning.

Claire burst out laughing. "I'm thinking he wanted ears not a doublet."
"I think so too. Everyone thought he was adorable though. Still have those pictures..."
"I want to see." she grinned eagerly. "I bet he was cute."
"I'll bring them with me on Thursday." Connor told her. "Got a picture of him fighting a 'dragon' with a wooden sword and shield."
"A dragon?" she grinned. "You're going to embarrass him horribly."
"He was five and protecting a fair lady...who I think was three." Connor chuckled. "Don't worry, he's banned me from taking pictures of him at Ren faires."
"Banned you...but not me." she smirked.
Laughing Connor winked at her. "Gotcha."
"You winked." she smiled. "That's....really cute."
Connor ducked his head a bit embarrassed. "Don't think I've been called cute in a long while."
She blushed and looked away, out at Jon again. "Sorry."

Then after dinner........

"Bye Claire! See you thrusday." Jon huged Claire tightly.

Claire wrapped her arms around Jon, squeezing back just as tightly and pressing a kiss to his hair. "Be good, Jonny."

"I will." Jon told her, climbing into his dad's car.

"It was good to see you again, Claire." Connor said softly.

"I had fun." she answered, equally as soft. "Thanks for having me?"

He started to reach out to touch her cheek but stoped. "It was my pleasure. Thank you for agreeing to come to the Ren faire with us this weekend."

Feeling a flare of disappointment he hadn't touched her, she stepped forward, for the moment completely forgetting anything involving immortals. "I look forward to it, actually."

So am I. I enjoy spending time with you Claire...both me and Jon do." He paused looking very young. "Would it be alright if I kissed you goodnight?"

"So am I. I enjoy spending time with you Claire...both me and Jon do." He paused looking very young. "Would it be alright if I kissed you goodnight?"

"..ye- is that a good idea?" she asked, despite her hand going to his cheek.

"I'm not sure, but I'd still like to." He mummered leaning his head closer, hand coming up to brushing back her hair.

"Okay." she breathed against his lips, leaning in.

Connor gently touched his lips to hers, more of a caress than a kiss. "You are very fine Claire."

"I-...Connor." she whispered. "Jon can see."

Jon was engrossed in his game boy in the front seat of the firebird.

"Heh, your right." He stroked her face with a finger. "Goodnight Claire."

"Connor.." she leaned forward and kissed him again. "Goodnight."

He smiled slightly goofy. "See you thrusday?"

"Yes." she said softly, backing away. "I'll see you Thursday."

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 01:03:25 GMT

I'm never going to sleep again if this keeps up.

Connor bent his head to nibble at Claire's ear. "You have much a lovely throat."

Claire exhaled slowly, running her fingers through Connor's hair. "You spend a lot of time looking at throats." she laughed softly.

Connor chuchkled softly,hands runing down her back. "You spend a lot of time looking in general." He teased.

"it's my job....which I'm currently breaking oaths sworn to it." she said shakily.

"Shh..."He whispered, a hand comming up to twine in her hair. "Thats half the thrill isn't? To be with me...something forbedien and dangerous..." His teeth niped at her throat.

She shuddered. "Dangerous..." she started pulling away. "Connor, no. I can't."

He's hand tightened in her hair, keeping her there. "Yes you can." Connor lifted his head, his eyes dark. "You think I'm going to let you go Claire?"

She swallowed heavily, every muscle tightening in fear. "Yes." she said softly, pleading. "You're not like that........please, Connor."

His free hand traced the line of her throat. "Maybe I am, little watcher. Aren't we all killers?" Connor's laughed as off.

She started struggling in earnest. "Yes. Everyday. But I'm not immortal. You won't."

Out of nowhere Connor was holding a knife to her throat. "Oh but its so much more fun to kill mortals..your screams are sweeter..." He leaned forward and bit her nose.

She screamed in shock, "No! No, MacLeod, let me go!"

"Why?" Connor laughed, trailing the knife down her throat drawing blood. "Don't you want to find out why you mortal girls love to die for us immortals?"

Hating herself for it, she began to cry. "No, no, no, I don't want to die you don't want to do this, Connor, stop it." she cletched her throat.

"Silly girl." Connor a laughed pressing the blade closer to her skin.

"It hurts! You don't want to do this- what about Jon?"

Connor took the knife away licking up the blood. "You want him to join us? Didn't know you had it in you Claire..."

She hissed, angry now. "Who'll take care of your son when you're in gaol for this?"

Connor laughed again, yanking her hair. "And how will the know I killed you?"

"Fuck." She whispered, seeing the hole in her logic, pulling away despite the agony in her scalp.

"No one around to here you scream...and you will scream Claire..." Connor whispered to her.

"No." she whispered, "I won't. I won't." despite knowing she would. "Stop this Connor, stop this. "

He shoved her against a wall, using the knife to cut through her shirt. "Scream for me Claire..." There was a sound of two gun shots, and Connor reeled back a blood spot forming on his shirt as he feel to the ground.

Claire collapsed against the wall, skittering back from the fallen body, muffling a scream by biting into her fist.

Connor's body changed form before her eyes, turning itno a man she didn't know. "Claire! Oh Christ Claire are you alright?" Connor came runing toward her.

She threw her hands in front of her face, screaming. "No, no, you're dead!"

"Claire..I'm sorry, I so sorry I didn't get here sooner. When I found out Kane had gotten you alone... Chirist your bleeding..."A cloth was brought to the side of her neck, a gentel hand touching her shoulder.

She flinched back, putting her hands in front of her. "He's dead, you killed him. You killed so many..."

"Claire...listen to me, you need to get out of here. Kane's going to wake up and I can't fight him with out here. Go to Joe, he's got Jon with him." Connor stroked her cheek. "If I don't come back...take care of him for me."

She squeezed his hand. "It wasn't you? You wouldn't....you're going to kill him."

"Oh god Claire, I'd never hurt you." Connor said in agunish. "If I don't kill him he'll just come back again..for you..for Jon. I can't let him hurt either of you."

"No, not Jon." she whispered. "You can't let him hurt Jon." she cletched the cloth around her throat, feeling the blood sticky against her palm. Shakily she stood. "I'll go..."

She was half way out the building, when she heard what sounded like Connor's scream. Around her glass started to expoled..

Claire leaned against the wall, beginning to retch when choking she woke up from the nightmare, her face damp and her throat hoarse with screams. Crying, she wrapped her arms around her pillow before getting out of bed. No more sleeping tonight.

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 03:52:47 GMT

Finally fell asleep. Had the nightmare. Sucked. Going out for coffee. Lots of it.

Ryan stayed in and did laundry. Yes, it was as interesting as watching grass grow.

I dreamt I was kissing ~~Connor~~ MacLeod. We were out with Jon again, and he leaned over to kiss me, but when he pulled back, he wasn't Connor, he was Keanine and he pulled a knife and stabbed me in the stomach, then slit Jon's throat before I could yell at him to run.
I knew this was a bad idea.